Another Year, Another Kick Ass Parade

spdAnother great example on why Newport is the best city around. The 2014 St. Patricks Day parade was one to remember. The drunk to sober ratio was roughly 348394 to 1. The hot girl to ugly girl ratio was about 4830284 to 1. I said in my tips earlier this week that you should use the porta pottys to avoid getting arrested for public urination. Totally didn’t do that. Drunk pissing is part of the tradition. Its almost a game finding the perfect spot to pee. And once you find it, its like finding a pot of a gold (St. Patricks Day Pun..yea im good like that).

The RIPTA was an experience, like always. You can never know what to expect. Some lady tried bitching at us saying there wasn’t gonna be enough room on the bus (we all squeezed in just fine). Do people not understand the RIPTA is there so we can get drunk and not have to drive home. I dont understand parents who take it and bring there kids on board. Why would you put yourself through that? You know whats gonna happen. The 12 idiots in green and totally smashed are gonna be going crazy and your 8 year old son is gonna learn some new words. But then theres the 70 year old dude who at first looks like he wants to kill us, only to find out hes just as drunk as we are and tells us to live it up and have an awesome time. Doesnt get better than that. Your never too old to get drunk and go to the St Pattys Day parade.

Nothing says St. Pattys Day than a city known for getting black out and partying their asses off than full grown adults pouring liquor off of balconies into the mouths of minors. It just doesn’t happen elsewhere. Convinced there isn’t a God? Well this is the 3rd year in a row where the weather was fucking gorgeous. God just giving us the green light to get smashed. Its been 30 degrees outside for weeks and the one day its warm out is St. Pattys Day parade. Coincidence? I think not. The weather report said it was gonna rain and God was totally like “oh shit, gotta change that. Can’t let the awesome Newport St. Pattys Day parade get ruined by shitty rain”. Then all of the sudden its 50 degrees out, which feels like 90 in March. Just a perfect day for a parade

Cops weren’t as bad this year I suppose. One friend did get cited by an undercover cop. Cops will be cops. Nothing you can do there. Last year it seemed like they were checking everybody for booze. I guess either they got cooler or we got better at hiding it. I heard open container charges were $1000 bucks. Fuck that noise.

Overall it was an awesome parade. People say the one in Boston is better, but who wants to go to Southie and get stabbed anyway. We have an awesome parade here. Hot chicks. Great bars. No one is sober. People just hugging and high 5ing everyone they see. Partying in the streets. You couldn’t ask for more. Can’t wait for next years parade. 364 more days. Not too far away f you think about it.


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