Unless you’ve been living under a rock/don’t have a Snapchat account, you know the past few weeks have been heavy with college graduations. I think Im not alone when I say graduations are absolutely horrible and the only reason we do it is for our parents, aka the people who pay for our education. If it was up to me, I’d just get my diploma mailed to me. Or not – diploma’s are kinda overrated too (it’s just a piece of paper, big whoop). Anyway, from start to finish, everything about graduations are cliche and I think it’s time we just pull the plug on the whole thing.
First things first, someone tell me what the hell is up with cap and gowns. If graduations are supposed to be the biggest days of our life, why are we wearing robes? Screw tradition, everybody looks ridiculous and that needs to change. Not to mention, you spend half the ceremony adjusting your sash, making sure the colors in the hood aren’t showing and worrying that your tassel might fall off. Seriously, I’ve seen jig saw puzzles easier to put together than all the components of a graduation gown. You know why shirt and ties have been around forever? Because they’re normal and make you blend in. That’s what we should all aim for. We definitely should not be bedazzling our caps with snarky unfunny jokes or motivational quotes. That’s as basic as basic gets and people probably don’t like you.
Now let’s really break down what graduations are. We as human beings choose to spend hours sitting outside on a beautiful Saturday afternoon, listening to speakers who are not entertaining, watching hundreds of people we don’t know walk across a stage, just for that one moment where you hear the name of someone you care about and you get to clap for 5 seconds. Does that not sound like the most miserable day ever? Did I just describe a graduation ceremony or prison, Im not sure? I remind you, we choose to do this. Unless the commencement speaker is uber famous, nobody cares, everybody is zoning out, just eagerly awaiting for the ceremony to end.
This one kid at my graduation left right after he got his diploma and I couldn’t have respected it more.
But the worst thing about graduations is answering the question everyone dreads, “so what are your plans now that you’re done?”. Ummm I don’t know, probably spending all that graduation money at the bar tonight. Then I’ll probably wake up with a hangover tomorrow. Other than that, haven’t thought that far ahead. I think it should be common knowledge to never ask that question at a graduation party. Newsflash, nobody knows what the hell they’re doing and the more that question gets asked, the more shitty we feel about our future. So what if we may have wasted thousands of dollars for a degree we may never use, at least we had fun!
There’s my rant. I am anti-graduations, as we all should be. I’m not trying to sound like a hater, but I believe the general consensus is that graduations are cliche, overrated and overall just a waste of a day. We do it for our parents, if I was an orphan I’d be at the beach.