How Not to Get Arrested at Newport's St. Pattys Day Parade

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Now with every great event that involves drinking, you must always be on your best not getting arrested game. Newport is notorious for drinking, and even more notorious for arresting people for drinking related crimes, so were here to help.

1. Plan out your rides ahead of time…You dont want to be that guy who just assumes his buddies will give him a ride, because absolutely no one wants to be a drive on Saturday. There are cabs, the RIPTA, or just call your grandma to come pick you up. Cause let me tell you, she will. Grandmas love putting down their crossword puzzles to come save the day. So if you wait last minute to figure out you have no ride and you decide to drive, your gonna get a DUI and I’ll probably blog about it the next day.

2. Don’t have open containers (unless your really really good at hiding it)….Okay so here’s where things get tricky…Now if you have a place to get smashed and then plan on just walking to the parade with no alcohol on you, then good for you. But for those trying to get really sloppy and need to carry a flask or a water bottle, be CAUTIOUS. Cops are at every angle so only take a swig when the time is right. If you carry a water bottle with alcohol in it, make sure it is not visible or obvious cause some cops will ask to smell it.

3. Use the fucking porta pottys!!!! They put porta pottys everywhere and its usually never more than a 5 minute wait. So dont be lazy and piss in an alley or behind a dumpster. A public urination charge will haunt you for life. Now a days people are getting caught with this and getting charged will public exposure and getting the sexual predator tag and become a red dot on familywatchdog.com So dont do that, use a porta potty like a man.

I could go on but you get the point. Dont be an asshole. Dont be Obvious. Have fun. Get Drunk. Be Responsible. Dont get bagged. Beware the 5-0. Take tons of video and send it to us.

 


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