If You Graduate College Today, Guess What Age You’ll Retire By… (Hint: Really Old) 

A perfect storm of rising rents, student loan debt and a genuine fear of investing have driven the retirement age for new college graduates up to 75, new research from NerdWallet shows. That’s more than a decade later than the average retirement age of 62. NerdWallet started predicting the retirement age for college graduates in 2013. At the time, graduates could expect to retire by age 73. Much has changed in the last couple of years, however, including an 11% surge nationwide in the cost of rent and a $5,500 increase in the amount of debt students carry after graduation ($35,051 in 2015 vs. $29,400 in 2014). (

Hear me out, I’m going to share my eventual life plan to avoid all of this debt nonsense. First off, debt isn’t real I’m pretty sure, because paying with a credit card is fake money and if you can’t see your money physically being spent, did you ever spend it? But just in case the whole fake money/debt isn’t real thing backfires on me (it won’t) here’s the plan. Be homeless… I mean it’s not that bad of a plan to avoid debt and we’re now basically already retired. If you’re for some reason on the fence about this plan let’s elaborate on what my criteria would be if I’m homeless.

  1. I’m being homeless in Hawaii
  2. Eventually the locals will take me in and raise me as one of their own
  3. I get good at surfing/eating pineapple
  4. Come out of my homeless retirement to become surf champion
  5. Retire again
  6. ESPN 30 for 30 comes out about me

Fool proof, folks. Hawaiian people are going to love me. I might not be able to play the ukulele or anything but I bet if you threw a fire torch in my hand I could twirl it around with the best of em.

This idea is why I never got why homeless people stayed in a city where its freezing in the winter when they could form a homeless army and take over a tropical island or something to make a homeless paradise. And just like that, we went from being homeless to being actual Pirates of the Caribbean. What a life.

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