More Salt In An Open Wound

Today was pay up day. Today was the day that Governor Raimondo followed through on her friendly wager with the governor of Oregon and sent out her special Rhode Island care package of Narragansett beer, Del’s Lemonade and coffee syrup. That was the wager they set on Sunday’s URI vs Oregon NCAA game. We all know how that ended and this is how Rhode Island pays its debts. In coffee syrup.

I wonder what we would have received had the Rams beaten the Ducks? Maybe some fresh new Nikes for the gov? Maybe some Oregonian beer like Widmer Hefeweizen or some Rogue Dead Guy Ale? Is that a fair deal when you are swapping it for a ‘Gansett? Maybe it would have included some Oregon wine like a nice pinot noir from their lush wine region? That would have been nice and would have paired well with some nice Rhode Island oysters or a nice clam cake from Flo’s or Iggy’s. But I think the Oregon governor got the best of this deal. Even though a Rhody victory would have been nice, I’m not sure we’d be getting much of a jackpot in an Oregon gift basket. The victory would have tasted sweet, but not sure about that gift basket.

More states should be excited about losing to Rhode Island. That’s a pretty great gift basket we send out. Wouldn’t you be excited if you were out on the left coast and opened up a box that was stocked with Del’s? And Coffee Syrup? Someone in the Oregonian governor’s office is having a pretty great day. They’re stirring up that coffee milk right now, maybe even scooping in some ice cream to make a cabinet. They are living the Rhode Island dream.

I wonder why Governor Raimondo stopped there? She could have included lots of genuine Rhode Island originals in her goodie bag. Maybe she thought about sending an authentic Rhode Island wiener out west but wasn’t sure how they would travel. Maybe that would have been perceived as an inappropriate gift. What about a chow mein sandwich? That may be more of a Fall River thing, but you certainly find them in Rhode Island Chinese restaurants. That would have made a unique little gift. I doubt those Portland hipsters ever had a chow mien sandwich served in their hot lunch line at school. What about a stuffie? Not sharing one of them was a little bit shellfish of the governor. But would the Oregonians even know what it was? Would they keep correcting us when we said the stuffing was made with chourico?

“You mean chorizo.”
“No! I meant chourico!”

Let’s be honest, that loss still hurts. Sure URI was the underdog, but we were so close through that whole game. We could see the Sweet Sixteen, almost taste it. Watching the governor pay up today just rubs more salt into that still open wound. We don’t think those Ducks are worthy of the treasures of Rhode Island. They are not going to appreciate a Del’s Lemonade for what it is. The Oregonians will just see the yellow and green label and toss it aside. They won’t know what it’s like to have one freshly scooped for you while you are at the beach sitting in the heat of summer alongside a rolling Atlantic Ocean. They won’t know the respite a Del’s has given so many of us. And they won’t savor the coffee milk like it’s meant to be savored. They’ll probably mix it with soy milk or tofu. And they’ll probably scoff their uppity noses at our Narragansett. They don’t deserve our “Hi neighbor” greeting that is promised on every can. They just aren’t ready for the Rhode Island life.

Yeah, that was a tough loss. But we’ll survive. We’re Rhody tough. We were raised on fried clam cakes and pizza strips. You can’t keep us down because we will only rise to the top, like the froth on our coffee milk cabinet.

Photo via Governor Raimondo’s Twitter 

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