(nhregister.com) NEW HAVEN >> Frances Chan says she’s done stuffing her face with ice cream and Cheetos just to make Yale University happy. After months of wrangling, the university finally agrees. The 20-year-old history major has spent the past few months sparring with Yale’s Health Center over her low weight. Chan is 5’2” and 92 lbs., and Yale doctors were concerned her health was severely at risk. She contended that she’s always been very thin, as were her parents and grandparents at her age. Yet until Friday, Yale had been telling Chan she might be forced to leave school if she didn’t put on some pounds.
Kinda a funny story. All I know is if Yale told me I should eat more, I would probably eat more. I literally think that would be the best thing ever. Obviously they shouldn’t have threatened her with expulsion, but having an excuse to stuff your face with junk food and not exercise is probably the best thing that could happen to someone. I go to the gym, I try and watch my calorie intake (anything eaten after 9pm doesn’t count). It sucks. So being told to do the exact opposite is like when the teacher tells you not to do the homework. Here is how I would gain weight if Yale told me to:
1. Eat Cilantros and Five Guys in one sitting. There right next door to each other and every time my buddies and I go, I have to choose which one I want. Tougher decision than selecting a college. I would eat a fat burrito and a double, make that triple, cheeseburger and I would let people judge me.
2. Go to Taco Bell and ask for one of everything. Always wanted to do this. There isn’t a chance I finish everything but I just wanna see the reaction on the persons face. Then I would turn to the guy waiting in line behind me and say, ‘its okay, I skipped lunch today”
3. Buy a Segway and ride it EVERYWHERE. I would limit any unnecessary movement as much as possible. You know those old people scooters that takes them up the stairs? Ya, I’d get that too.
4. Get a shit ton of bacon, and try it with every food possible. You know how bacon taste good with pretty much everything? Well if I tried it with a bunch of random foods, at least one of them is bound to be delicious, and I would invent it and get rich.
5. Wouldn’t bathe. Doesn’t have anything to do with gaining weight. I just feel if your trying to get fat, you shouldn’t have to bathe.